Everyone needs to understand just how freaking adorable Catbug is
Whoo! Woke up on my own today! But it was still past 10 AM! Played some DN, applied for some more places, more DN and then tomodachis invited me over for a bit. Ended up going for food, as usual. Had sopapillas for the first time. They were dericious. lD Broke up with everyone deciding we’d go play minecraft. But found out to-san blocked minecraft a few days ago so otouto-kun couldn’t play it…had him unblock it in exchange for those strawberry pies from earlier. <.< Done deal. Finally was able to play minecraft again, whoo! Went out to that other village I found and started lighting that place up, awwww yeaahhh. Ran out of fence though…gunna have to go mine more cobblestone for it.
Also talked to oka-san about dentist. Imotou-chan says she needs braces because her teeth are “crooked”…I still think crooked teeth are cute so I see nothing wrong with them, but I’ve been corrupted by Asian culture, lol. Also can’t eat because itai. ;_; Because I needed ANOTHER reason to not eat. Yes.
Dragon Nest. And only. Dragon Nest.
Was up past three in the morning getting Anktyi to level 30 so she would get the cerberus set today. So that’s pretty much all I did, aside from some job hunting in the morning.
Def worth it. Ran Cerb nest with Hiro-kun’s sharpshooter to get the sparks to suffix it…and…hoooooooooomg. I solo’d abyss mode after. It was glorious. Also cerb set is super cute on Kalis. Aside from some sort of miscommunication about how many things you get per account / per Kali…this event thus far has run pretty smoothly, ne. Still waiting on Sahala’s level 10 presents. <.< >.>
After I was all DN’d out for the day…whatdidIeven. Played with the cat a bit. Also went out in the evening with Suki and Kyo-kun and his brother for froyo…and then derping around at Suki’s house…and then went to the grocery store because or reasons…and ended up buying ice cream.
Got home, checked my dash and consequently spent the next two hours drawing Shingeki no Kyojin OCs (there was this generator thing and…yeah). Got 7/8 drawn out. Don’t really like any of the boys thus far but I made a girl named Summer and a girl named Sophie and they’re supa cute. lD Esp Sophie. She was generated as a sturdy 5’ 2” scout.
Aaaaand I didn’t mean to stay up this late again. :’D I even woke up early. ;^;!
To-san decided to drag me along on his errands today. He made me drive to the grocery store, and then he decided he was going to drive to all the other places. Maa, I got lunch out of it so I suppose it’s fine. But then we for some reason had to plant strawberries. And it was HOT AS BALLS. D: He tried to tell me it gets just as hot in Ireland - LIES >o!
Ato de…unpacked some more. Read some manga (“Princess Yue”). Complained about my teeth hurting silently to myself. Thought about watching the new Hentai Ouji…but didn’t. And also Dragon Nest. I accidentally a second Kali. This one will be a Blade Dancer though. Now the DN interface is burned into my screen. lD Also fawk the dungeons not dropping equipment anymore. D: How am I supposed to do anything?! How?! No wonder everything is slow as balls, I do like 10 damage to everything D:!
Other than that…ah, FINALLY finished unpacking. Now…now I just have to somehow get those clothes Hana-chan took home for me…haaaa.
Mostly just unpacked today. Suki and Kyo-kun came over around two, having sorted out the deal with the 3DS. In the end the store refused to own up to it, so Suki called Nintendo and it seems they’re going to rip them a new one. Fun fun.
Watched the new Gargantia and tried the tea Suki brought me. It was pretty tasty. Had some of that lemon sherbert when Suki and Kyo-kun were here but other than that I didn’t eat anything. Teeth are giving me shit. Woteven.
Uneventful otherwise other than the usual. AaaAA, to a life in shambles. Maa, today was better than yesterday.
Woke up and…patched DN on Misayuki…was going to get in my hour before I left but…well, didn’t happen. To-san called around nine telling me he put money in my account and that was supposed to be my birthday present. First of all, have you any idea what I’ve been going through, no, more importantly, what the people around me have been going through because I’ve had no money until now? Second, don’t you think it’s kind of your job as a parent to do that anyway? Sou, yo. That’s something you would have done anyway. Something impersonal. Something I -need-. Don’t try to write it off as a present.
Finished packing and then oka-san and imotou-chan arrived. After their usual complaining that I had too much stuff (sorry, I’m moving somewhere else against my will for four months, at least let me take some of my room with me?), we went to eat. Had a ruben sandwich Was pretty good. Then we went to the mall, as usual with oka-san. She said on her facebook that she was looking forward to it, so I tried to act civil, though she for some strange and unknown reason decided to bring imotou-chan along. Not only did this result in me having to leave some things I wanted to bring because she took up an entire half of the back seat of the tiny car, but she aggravates the hell out of me. I always end up doing and saying things I regret around her because she’s just so immature I want to punch her in the face and snap her in half, but I can’t even do that so it just comes out in stupid words. I hate it. I hate being around her, especially when she starts acting like a brat, and a stupid, dramatic, spoiled little girl. De, I’m glad I actually found a few things on this mall trip. It made it bearable. Got a shirt/dress, a crop tee, and a navy lolita-esque dress. The shirt/dress was a large, the largest size they carried, but my stupid boobs were still too big for it, so the buttons look like they’re about to pop off. Ugh. This is why I can’t have anything nice. Bought it anyway because it was super cute and I guess I’ll just bind like I usually do when I wanna look good in something. Haa.
I somehow managed to discuss (read: state) the reasons I need to see a doctor to oka-san, though I doubt she’ll actually do anything about it. Mou, I can’t wait to be out of here. If I never hear from or see these people again once I graduate, that’ll be just great. She also tried pulling the, “Did something we would have done anyway, but it’s Happy Birthday because that’s convenient!” shit that to-san pulled. Whatever. It’s not like I expected anything from these people anyway. This is what “family” is? I don’t want any part in it. If it was from either of you two I probably would have been happy if you had the ability to pick out my favourite candy bar and tell me it’s a birthday present. I would have liked it better if you had not tried to pass these mundane things off as “presents,” because it just shows how little you know this person you’ve lived with for 18 years! Did you even remember it was her birthday before the day it happened? Did you even try to actually get her something? Because doing things like this make me think you have not. And that really sucks, you know, because even though I don’t like any of you I still try really hard to remember those stupid dates like birthdays and anniversaries and parents’ days, and to plan ahead for them to show that I remember, but fawk, why am I trying so hard? I may be a terrible human being, but I still don’t want anyone around me to feel like they’ve been forgotten. Because that’s the worst feeling. But that’s all you make me feel. And that’s why I really really don’t like any of you. You don’t know me because you never took the time to get to know me, even though I was in front of you for so long. You always completely forgot about my existence unless it was convenient for you to remember. And you’re surprised when I don’t like you to the point where I do the same. Except I don’t forget and then remember. I try my best to be independent, because I want nothing to do with people like you, and then dread to the point of getting panic attacks the times when I actually have to talk to someone, because I know they’ll only think I come to them when I need something from them, but the reason I only talk to you then is because I don’t like talking to you at all!
I just feel like I’m trying so much harder to pretend we all like each other. Fawk.
After that, finally managed to get on the road just before seven in the evening. The drive home was uneventful. Got home and, surprise surprise, no one helped me bring anything in or up to my room. First thing to-san has to say to me though, after crushing my hair clips into my skull and only squeezing me harder when I said it hurts (because no one here can respect personal space), is to hurry up because he has to go to Wal Mart. Not like we have another car or anything. So I unload everything as quickly as I can, just putting it right inside the door instead of taking things upstairs to my room, and I finally get done. And then he says, has the nerve to say, “I hate to do this to you, but I need you to come with me.” So I proceed to go to Wal Mart. For no reason. And do nothing. Absolutely nothing to have made my presence even slightly “needed;” I literally just followed him around the store and back. Fawk.
Get back around ten, start unpacking, and then tomodachi ask if they can come over. I tell them yes, having wanted to see them since it’s been so long, not thinking how late it is or that this is someone else’s house that I’m now in, and of course both parents give me shit for it. I’m sorry, who wanted me here? Right, it wasn’t me. Sorry if I don’t just remember all your little nitpicky nuances the second I’m dragged in the door. I’ve been (happily) living on my own for the past half year, thanks.
So they come over. Suki rings the doorbell, and I’m just like…awesome. They’ve brought some sort of alcohol as well as ice cream and the 3DS everyone pitched in to get me, wrapped in blue tissue paper with HAPPY BIRTHDAY written / spelled on it with stickers. It’s super cute. But I try really hard not to look too eager to open it up and set it up so I can play with everyone. But even despite my best efforts, I found the wrapped box in my hands, walking around the kitchen as we’re talking. I put it back down on the island as soon as I noticed, but it was a little embarrassing. I try to say thank-you to everyone. I say it twice, on different occasions, but both times I’m afraid no one has heard me. I’ll always be afraid of that from now on; that and forgetting to say thank-you at all, because I hate the notion of that word for things like this…I mean, if you wanted my gratitude, then it’s just you being selfish, isn’t it? At least, that’s not why I give presents. When I give something to someone it’s to let them know that I was thinking about them, and my only motive is to see them happy. If they tell me thank-you, I can’t tell whether they really like it or not, and I’m not even sure how to respond to that most of the time, but if I can see the smile on their face and if I can see them using the thing I thought so hard about, then I can rest assured that I have been of use to that person. I made a positive difference in their life. It’s not like I’m ungrateful. I just feel like words are cheap. Anyone can just say something, right? Especially after I so easily said something like that the other day…I still can’t believe I said that. I’m a terrible human being. Nonetheless, I’ll say those words and others like them because for some reason humans like things that come easy.
Eventually we move upstairs. I plug in the 3DS and start setting it up…however, we quickly realize something is wrong…and then we realized it is used. Not that refurbished things are wrong or anything, but they bought it “new.” There were other Miis, some pictures, and parental control locks on it though…so we resolved they’d take it back to the store and complain. Thankfully, having thought ahead, Suki kept the receipt. It made me so happy to see how upset everyone was…ah, not because they were upset, of course, but because they tried to do something nice for me and someone else ruined it and it caused disappointment. Maa, Kyo-kun didn’t seem too keen on it, but Suki and Hiro-kun were very intent on going to the store to complain tomorrow. Sou da kedo, once again, I feel like this is a sign. I knew I shouldn’t have accepted something like this. Yappari, it’s too much. I’ll feel guilty every time I see it. Because I know I’ll never be able to repay this kindness, and I know now that I’m expected to. Not like I was really given a choice or a chance to say no. By the time I figured out what was going on it was like I had already agreed to it…too late to back out. Again, it’s not like I don’t appreciate it. Because I do. Even if no one hears me when I try to say so, and even if no one sees how I do. Demo, yappari, this is too much. If I’ve been so shitty to everyone, then what have I done to deserve this and how can I ever repay it? I give people my everything just to see them happy, but my happiness will never be enough to repay real people, right? So what am I supposed to do?
Mou. I said everything was going to be different this time. I said I was going to try harder to make everything work. But so far everything that could go wrong has, it seems, tomodachi de mo, to-san de mo, kazoku de mo. And I just don’t have the energy or the courage to keep fighting. What am I even fighting for?
After this, we went back downstairs…tried the alcohol…Suki said it’s supposed to be sweet and bubbly kedo, yappari, all I can taste is alcohol. Kyo-kun tasted it after as well and he and Suki confirmed that it was bitter (while normally it’s not). Everything with alcohol just tastes like alcohol to me. Tsumari, it all tastes like shit. I’ve long since given up on trying to like it or trying to find something that doesn’t taste terrible, much less something actually worth drinking. Of course none of them know that, and so it was a nice gesture, trying to help me find something that doesn’t taste bad. It’s a shame it’ll probably go to waste here. The packaging was nice, but I hope it wasn’t too expensive. I wish my taste buds weren’t so strange, so I could at least share something like this with people who like it. Mou.
Watched episode 7 of Shingeki no Kyojin after finally managing to get the TV from imotou-chan. All she was doing was watching re-runs of old cartoons, but she wouldn’t let us watch this one thing even when I asked. Even though today’s supposed to be special. Mou, I really dislike her. Found out she didn’t get in to the university she applied to. Serves her right, I feel like. And then she’s still not applied to the community college. She’s “waiting” to do it with to-san, she says. Ha. No one helped me out with this. I had to take care of everything on my own. That’s why I actually got somewhere. You’ll learn one day (or not) that you can’t trust your “family.”
Tonikaku, the series is really moving along. More of Mikasa being a badass. She’s such a BAMF that even after she’s given up her badassery is just like “nope nope nope,” and continues being a badass. Awww yeah. Went upstairs to get eveyone’s things after this, but we idled around doing nothing for quite a bit for some reason…it was two in the morning. As nice as it was seeing everyone, I haven’t slept for days and I still have to finish unpacking…I’m definitely not in the mood to play the entertainer, especially with all that’s happened. I’m glad Kyo-kun wanted to go to sleep, because even as I type these words I feel like I could pass out. But they had to be said, deshou?
Aaa, can’t I go to sleep and wake up five years from now?
AaaAA, checking Galaco before bedtime~ My phone’s always as empty and blank as I feel inside but at least now I have Shichika and Togame to greet me.
If I don’t hear back from that tutoring place I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Kali class came out today so…well, played DN quite a bit. Only got her to about level 17 though since I was actually reading her story…for all the potential it had, it was surprisingly…ordinary. Maybe because I knew a lot about her already? Maybe because we’re only at level 17. It should pick up at Saint’s Haven, right? Hm.
Didn’t see or hear from Kietsu-san at all that day. It was kind of strange, but I suppose she’s busy with her own things.
Kietsu-san said she’d come over today with pocky and we could watch anime. I couldn’t sleep the night before, having went to sleep around three and was awoken at five by another of my roommate’s random talking sprees that lasted til after nine in the morning. Needless to say, when she was sleeping during the day I had no qualms making as much noise as one would having guests over. Jeez. Slept from about 9 - noon. Played some DN. Kietsu-san came over and I watched the last two episodes of Hyouka. Dat ending. Also watched the OVA…which was…a bit…lacking, I guess. Maa, it didn’t really stand out at all, save for the outstandingly animated underwater scenes (mind=blown). After that…I didn’t really want to start anything new or re-watch anything…we were at the pool for a little bit…then…she left about an hour before she had work so she could walk her dog. Which was fine. I just started packing.
Obaa-san called me around dinner time. I was a bit eager to answer the phone because I thought it may have been that tutoring place I applied to. I was very surprised to hear it was her. We had a normal phone call conversation, I think. Things like, “I can’t believe you’re this old already!” and the like. But what was very unsettling for me was when we were hanging up, and she said to call more, to have a nice evening, and I love you. And I said back, “Okay, I will. I love you, too.” I don’t recall ever saying I love you to another human being in my entire life. I mean, I’m sure I did when I was little, to my parents, but I don’t even remember this, and I certainly don’t do it now. Why then, why would I say that? As much as I’d like to be able to say obaa-san and I are very close, we’re very not. I can probably count the number of times we’ve spoken on the phone on my fingers, and I only remember seeing her twice, when she came down to visit us when I was younger. I feel like I lied to her, and it’s a terrible feeling both because I feel like I shouldn’t have said it, and because I feel like I should not feel like it’s a lie. Not to mention the fact that I still don’t know what I would have said otherwise. Haa. What are words? What are humans? I don’t even.
Hana-chan got back in the evening and we finally were able to drag ourselves through the rest of Fate Stay Night. I remember now, I did think that scene towards the end of Saber’s final battle was very well done. It’s like, ara, there’s the Saber we knew from Fate Zero!
As soon as she got her magical girl powers back all was good. lD And THEN we were finally able to watch Unlimited Blade Works. I’d forgotten how much better it was than FSN. Hoooooomg. It’s def amazing. It’s no Fate Zero, of course, with them having to cram the entire story into two hours, but this is what FSN could have been. Awww man. Everyone’s quite a bit more likeable in UBW…I distinctly remember not hating Shirou. Might have had a bit to do with the fact that he’s not making moves on Saber and telling her not to fight because she’s a woman every other second. Might also be the fact that everyone is better drawn. Maa…Gil’s def more or a jerk than usual in this arc though…Also Ilya was just so adorbs for her three lines and then…yeah…haaa. But other than this. lD
After that…finished packing and then slept.